Waiting For Minako - The Radio Serial
by Dark Day For Anime
Summary: As if the original wasn't enough, the script that brings new meaning to the term 'delusions of grandeur'. :)
1. Episode 01

Waiting for Minako (The Script)  
by DDFA (Mark A Page)  
  
EPISODE 01  
  
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Announcer: In the grand tradition of grand traditions, we   
completely fail to bring you something of any substance.  
Waiting for Minako. Not available in stereo for that  
crystal clear mono experience.  
  
  
FX: The sound of a city during the day, with traffic, birds and the  
occasional inexplicable explosion.  
  
  
Announcer: Somewhere in the labyrinthine depths of Tokyo City's   
Juuban District, two ex-stars of a certain magic girl   
anime tv show, Kino Makoto and Mizuno Ami, found   
themselves standing by a small brick wall that divided  
a public park from an adjoining street. Their purpose  
for being here.... They were waiting for their friend,  
Aino Minako.  
  
  
Dir: Long period of silence.  
  
  
Announcer: It was a long wait for two people with so little to say  
to each other....  
  
  
Dir: Another long period of silence.  
  
  
Makoto: She's late.  
  
Ami: Yes, she is late.  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Makoto: Very very late.  
  
Ami: Yes, she is very very late.  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Makoto: I wonder why she's late.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Ami: Maybe she missed her bus.  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Makoto: One of many possibilities.  
  
Ami: Yes, one of many possibilities.  
  
Makoto: After all, this is Minako we're talking about.  
  
Ami: Yes, yes, this is Minako we're talking about.  
  
Makoto: She's always like this.  
  
Ami: Yes, she's always like this.  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Makoto: What are you looking at?  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: Hello, Ami? What are you looking at?  
  
Ami: (Distracted) Hmm?  
  
Makoto: You're staring at the ground, what are you looking at?  
  
Ami: Oh, it's just an ant.  
  
Makoto: An ant?  
  
Ami: Hai.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: We have an abiding interest in ants, do we?  
  
Ami: No, it's just carrying something on its back.  
  
Makoto: What?  
  
Ami: Looks like a breadcrumb.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Ami: Amazing, isn't it, how they carry many times their own  
bodyweight?  
  
Makoto: Yes, it is amazing.  
  
Ami: Yes, very amazing.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: She's late, you know.  
  
Ami: Yes, very late.  
  
Makoto: Very, very late.  
  
Ami: Yes, very very late.  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Makoto: Maybe she's been distracted.  
  
Ami: Yes, that might be a possibility.  
  
Makoto: After all, this is Minako-chan.  
  
Ami: Yes, yes, this is Minako-chan.  
  
Makoto: She's easy to distract.  
  
Ami: Yes, easy to distract.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: You don't think she could have forgotten?  
  
Ami: That is a possibility.  
  
Makoto: After all, this is Minako-chan we're talking about.  
  
Ami: Yes, yes, this is Minako-chan we're talking about.  
  
Makoto: She could have let all the arrangements slip from her  
mind.  
  
Ami: Yes, clean out of her head.  
  
Makoto: She's known for this, of course.  
  
Ami: Yes, she's known for it.  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Makoto: Yes, she forgot we were going shopping last week.  
  
Ami: Yes, she forgot.  
  
Makoto: Clean forgot.  
  
Ami: Yes, it just went clean out of her head.  
  
Makoto: Was distracted by her mother.  
  
Ami: Had to do an errand, I seem to remember.  
  
Makoto: Yes, that was it. An errand.  
  
Ami: Yes, an errand.  
  
Makoto: Did the errand, and in the meantime forgot.  
  
Ami: Yes, she forgot.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Ami: But she still remembered what she was supposed to do  
during the errand.  
  
Makoto: Yes, she remembered.  
  
Ami: She could have remembered about the shopping.  
  
Makoto: Yes, she could have remembered.  
  
Ami: She SHOULD have remembered.  
  
Makoto: Yes, she SHOULD have remembered.  
  
Ami: So why didn't she?  
  
Makoto: I don't know.  
  
Ami: Ho hum.  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Ami: What are you looking at?  
  
Makoto: Hmm?  
  
Ami: What are you looking at? You're staring into the air.  
  
Makoto: Oh, there is a bee sitting on that flower, over there.  
  
Ami: Is there?  
  
Makoto: Yes, look.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Ami: So there is.  
  
Makoto: Bees never forget what they have to do.  
  
Ami: No, they don't.  
  
Makoto: They just work and work and work and produce honey and  
look after the Queen bee and the baby bees and all....  
  
Ami: Yes, they never forget that they are bees.  
  
Makoto: Yes, they never forget.  
  
Ami: Yes.  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Makoto: She's late, you know.  
  
Ami: Yes, very late.  
  
Makoto: Very, very late.  
  
Ami: Yes, very very late.  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Makoto: You know, maybe she really DID forget to meet us here.  
  
Ami: Yes, probably.  
  
Makoto: After all, this is Minako we're talking about, here.  
  
Ami: Yes. Yes. It is.  
  
Makoto: I mean, she's probably ditzing around her house,   
wondering if there was something she forgot to do.  
  
Ami: Oh, definately, definately.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: I mean, it's not as if it would be the first time.  
  
Ami: Yes, yes. She's done it before.  
  
Makoto: Ignore all her responsibilities....  
  
Ami: And her arrangements.  
  
Makoto: The girl is just, like, incorrigible.  
  
Ami: Inept.  
  
Makoto: Incompetent.  
  
Ami: Moronic.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: I think that's taking it a little too far.  
  
Ami: Yes. Yes, it is.  
  
Makoto: I mean, she's not really that bad, is she?  
  
Ami: No. Nowhere near that bad.  
  
Makoto: I mean, just because she has regular ditz sessions....  
  
Ami: Everyones' allowed to have their odd moments.  
  
Makoto: Their foibles and such.  
  
Ami: Indeed. Indeed.  
  
  
Dir: Long pause. The sound of a jet flying over.  
  
  
Makoto: What are you looking at, now?  
  
Ami: Hmm?  
  
Makoto: What are you looking at? You're staring into space.  
  
Ami: Just looking at the plane up there.  
  
Makoto: Plane?  
  
Ami: Yes, that one.  
  
Makoto: I hate planes.  
  
Ami: Oops, forgot about that.  
  
Makoto: I really hate planes.  
  
Ami: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned it.  
  
Makoto: Mama and Papa died in a plane.  
  
Ami: Forget I even mentioned it, okay?  
  
Makoto: Came crashing to earth....  
  
Ami: Technically speaking, though, it is a jet.  
  
Makoto: The effect that had on me....  
  
Ami: Yes, a Boeing, i think it is.  
  
Makoto: All that pain I had to endure.  
  
Ami: Boeing 737. Or an Airbus A300.... One of the two.  
  
Makoto: All because of bloody planes.  
  
Ami: Yes, a bitch, isn't it?  
  
  
Dir: Pause. There is a loud explosion in the background, plus a   
few distant cries of terror.  
  
  
Ami: The plane....  
  
Makoto: What about it?  
  
Ami: It's exploded.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: So it has.  
  
Ami: Port engine just went "kaboom".  
  
Makoto: Fire and smoke everywhere.  
  
Ami: It's spinning to the ground.  
  
Makoto: Lots of people will die....  
  
Ami: Oh well. Not much we can do about it.  
  
  
Dir: Pause. Sound of plane plummeting to the ground in the b/g.  
  
  
Makoto: Yeah, you're right.  
  
  
Dir: Explosion as plane hits the ground.  
  
  
Ami: Ouch.  
  
Makoto: Jeez.  
  
Ami: That was a big explosion.  
  
Makoto: Yeah, I could feel it from here.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: Is aircraft fuel always that explosive?  
  
Ami: Mostly.  
  
Makoto: I see.  
  
Ami: Indeed.  
  
Makoto: Yes.  
  
Ami: Hmm....  
  
  
Dir: Long pause. The sound of sirens and screams in the b/g.  
  
  
Makoto: She's late, you know.  
  
Ami: Yes, very late.  
  
Makoto: Very, very late.  
  
Ami: Yes, very very late.  
  
Makoto: Yes, very very late.  
  
Ami: Yes, she is, isn't she?  
  
Makoto: Oh, I wholeheartedly agree.  
  
Ami: I wonder where she's got to.  
  
Makoto: Maybe she was where that plane came down.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Ami: Nah, that's not possible. She lives nowhere near that  
part of town.  
  
Makoto: Yeah, you're right, as usual.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Ami: What do you mean by "as usual".  
  
Makoto: Hmm?  
  
Ami: What do you mean by "as usual"?  
  
Makoto: Mean? I meant you're always right about these things.  
  
Ami: Are you saying I'm a smartarse?  
  
Makoto: What makes you think that I think that!?!  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Ami: Sorry.  
  
Makoto: I should think so, too.  
  
Ami: I must be getting touchy.  
  
Makoto: Yeah, all this waiting is beginning to get to me, too.  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Ami: Maybe she's doing this, deliberately.  
  
Makoto: Eh?  
  
Ami: Maybe she made alternative arrangements with Usagi-chan  
and Rei-chan.  
  
Makoto: Now that's just being silly.  
  
Ami: Are you calling me silly?  
  
Makoto: Yes, I'm calling you silly. You're allowing your   
imagination to run away with you.  
  
Ami: I am not, and it is a genuine possibility.  
  
Makoto: Well I say it's all in your head.  
  
Ami: Tis not.  
  
Makoto: Tis so.  
  
Ami: Tis not.  
  
Makoto: Tis so.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: Well, have you given up?  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: What ARE you staring at?  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: Ami?  
  
Ami: There is someone rowing a boat down the street.  
  
Makoto: Eh?  
  
Ami: No kidding. There is someone rowing a boat down the  
street.  
  
Makoto: Now I know you're letting your imagination run away with  
you.  
  
Ami: Look for yourself.  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Rower: (Quietly at first, getting louder as he goes past, then   
quieting again as he disappears) Stroke. Stroke.   
Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke....  
  
Makoto: What do you know.... There IS someone rowing a boat   
down the street.  
  
Ami: On little wheels no less.  
  
Makoto: What a novel way to get around.  
  
Ami: If not a little silly.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: She's probably hiding around the corner, having a good  
laugh at our expense.  
  
Ami: Yes. yes, she probably is.  
  
Makoto: That bloody cow! I bet she's just over there, behind  
that row of bushes, chuckling away all to herself.  
  
Ami: Yes.  
  
Makoto: Some friend she is, doing this to us. Why I ought to  
give her the pounding of her life.  
  
Ami: Hmm.  
  
  
Dir: Sound of turning pages.  
  
  
Makoto: I'd like to see her get out of this one. She's probably  
turn up with that sickening smile on her face, all   
innocent. As if we didn't know what was going on.  
  
Ami: Hmm.  
  
Makoto: Well, she's got another think coming if she tries to  
outwit Kino Makoto. Yessiree.  
  
Ami: Yes.  
  
Makoto: Hehehe. Just you wait, you blond ditz. These fists are  
for you!  
  
Ami: Hai.  
  
  
Dir: Pause. Sound of turning pages continues.  
  
  
Makoto: Don't just pull out a book like that and start reading   
when I'm trying to talk to you.  
  
Ami: Hmm.  
  
Makoto: It's so rude.  
  
Ami: Hai.  
  
Makoto: Are you listening to me?  
  
Ami: Hmm.  
  
Makoto: You're not listening to me, are you?  
  
Ami: Hmm.  
  
Makoto: Hey Ami, wanna date with Umino?  
  
Ami: Hai.  
  
Makoto: Did you get to sleep with Urawa-san?  
  
Ami: Hmm.  
  
Makoto: Do you like swimming nude in chocolate custard?  
  
Ami: Yes.  
  
Makoto: Is Rei a self-obsessed pyromaniac?  
  
Ami: Hmm.  
  
Makoto: Does Minako give head to all the boys in the locker   
room?  
  
Ami: (Realising what Mako is saying) Hmm?  
  
Makoto: I see you've finally woken up.  
  
Ami: Does Minako do WHAT?  
  
Makoto: Well, at least you can still be roused out of your  
bookworm fugue, if nothing else.  
  
Ami: Mako-chan, that's sick! How could you say such a  
thing about Mina-chan?  
  
Makoto: It's a good thing you didn't pay attention to all  
the other things I said.  
  
Ami: Like what?  
  
Makoto: Forget it. It isn't important.  
  
Ami: Mako-chan....  
  
Makoto: What's your book about?  
  
Ami: Hmm?  
  
Makoto: What's your book about?  
  
Ami: You mean this book?  
  
Makoto: Yes, that book. Can you see any other books lying  
about?  
  
Ami: There's no need to be rude.  
  
Makoto: Sorry.  
  
Ami: If you're vaguely interested, it happens to be an   
educational summary on the life cycle of the garden  
snail.  
  
Makoto: You're right, I was only vaguely interested.  
  
Ami: To which I say it is extremely slow reading.  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Makoto: You're pulling my leg, aren't you?  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Ami: Yes.  
  
Makoto: Why, you little....  
  
Ami: Ah ah ah.... Settle down, now. Remember why we're here.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: To wait for Minako?  
  
Ami: Good guess. Ten points for Mako-chan.  
  
Makoto: She's really late, you know.  
  
Ami: Hmm.  
  
Makoto: Really, really late.  
  
Ami: Hmm.  
  
Makoto: Will you stop zoning off into your book and pay more  
attention to me?  
  
Ami: But I'm booooooored.  
  
Makoto: I know. So am I.... But that's no excuse for ignoring   
me when I'm trying to talk to you.  
  
Ami: Un.  
  
Makoto: Don't "un" me. It's totally out of character for Minako  
to forget to go shopping. I mean, when was the last   
time she did that?  
  
Ami: Last week.  
  
Makoto: No, you silly fool. I mean before that.  
  
Ami: Two weeks ago.  
  
Makoto: You know.... You're right. There is definitely a   
pattern evolving here.  
  
Ami: I think she's starting to lose it.  
  
Makoto: "Starting to lose it? Starting to lose it?" What do   
you mean she's "starting" to lose it? She's been losing  
it from long before we first met her.  
  
Ami: Considering we first met her in the Moon Kingdom, then   
she should have reached the point of advanced dementia.  
  
Makoto: Yeah. She was probably like that, then.  
  
Ami: Definite necrosis of the neural tissue.  
  
Makoto: Eh?  
  
Ami: Her brain is starting to rot away. She'd be lucky to   
still have a functioning cerebellum.  
  
Makoto: What's a cerebellum?  
  
Ami: Yes, the first bit to go would have been the frontal   
lobe. That would have completely screwed up her   
personality. Then all the other lobes of the cerebrum.  
The occipital, the parietal, the temporal....  
  
Makoto: Er....  
  
Ami: Then there is the midbrain. I thought I saw cerebro-  
spinal fluid running from her ears that day....  
  
Makoto: Ano....  
  
Ami: Although, I have to say, with her boy obsession, she's  
still got her pituitary gland.  
  
Makoto: shiddafugginjeezuzstoopidcowlizzentome....  
  
Ami: Hmm.... Definitely signs of someone running on their  
brainstem.  
  
Makoto: I know how she feels right now.  
  
Ami: Oh.... Am I confusing you?  
  
Makoto: Oh, no no no no no.....  
  
Ami: Hmm.... It would be nice to think you've managed to get  
through all those years of schooling and have learnt   
something.  
  
Makoto: Are you calling me stupid?  
  
Ami: No.  
  
Makoto: Well that's alright, then.  
  
Ami: Yes, you just keep thinking that.  
  
Makoto: Did you say something?  
  
Ami: No.  
  
Makoto: Your nose is wiggling.  
  
Ami: Hmm?  
  
Makoto: Your nose is wiggling.  
  
Ami: So?  
  
Makoto: Every time you lie, your nose wiggles.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Ami: (Cutely) Oh Mako-chan....  
  
Makoto: What are you looking at me like that for?  
  
Ami: It's soooo nice to know you know me that intimately.  
  
  
Dir: Sound of struggle.  
  
  
Makoto: Hey, wait a minute, stop that! Don't put your arms  
around me.... Hey, stop.... I'm not into that kind  
of thing....  
  
Ami: Liar.... I know how you felt about Haruka.  
  
Makoto: That was a momentary twinge on my part.  
  
Ami: Oh Mako-chan.... You don't know how much I've been   
dreaming about you....  
  
Makoto: You're kidding!  
  
Ami: Yes.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: You COW!  
  
  
Dir: Sound of slapping.  
  
  
Ami: Alright, alright, I'll let you go. No need to get   
rough.  
  
Makoto: Hmph!  
  
Ami: Of course, you know Usagi and Rei are at it like   
rabbits.  
  
Makoto: In a pigs eye.  
  
Ami: Or a Davies.  
  
Makoto: Hmm?  
  
Ami: Don't worry. You won't understand.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: I wonder where she's gotten to.  
  
Ami: Probably sleeping with Artemis.  
  
Makoto: AMI-CHAN!  
  
Ami: Teehee....  
  
Makoto: You know, you've gotten real ecchi in your old age.  
  
Ami: I am NOT ecchi.... I just have my moments....  
  
Makoto: Yeah, where you are a sick, perverted little creep.  
  
Ami: That's not fair. You're as much a sick, perverted   
little creep as I am.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: Gee, you know, you're right.  
  
Ami: Nice to see you're admitting to your faults for once.  
  
Makoto: It doesn't change the fact that you go around dissing  
others in a perverted manner.... Minako sleep with   
Artemis? Oh puhleeeeeze....  
  
Ami: Well, I'm bored.  
  
Makoto: Well, so am I.... Minako is so damn late.  
  
Ami: I wanna do something else, rather than just sit around  
here and wait for the blond bubblehead to show up....  
  
Makoto: Ami....  
  
Ami: What?  
  
Makoto: You called Minako a blond bubblehead....  
  
Ami: So?  
  
Makoto: You NEVER call anyone a bubblehead.  
  
Ami: So? What's so special about that?  
  
Makoto: It's SO out of character for you to do that.  
  
Ami: You're right.... It must be my old age. How old are we  
all supposed to be, now?  
  
Makoto: Sixteen at last count.  
  
Ami: Sixteen my ass.... Twenty would be more realistic an   
age.  
  
Makoto: Shhh.... Don't let anyone hear that.... You'll dispel  
a well-worn myth....  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Ami: Argh! I can't stand this.... I want to be somewhere   
else.  
  
Makoto: Settle down.  
  
Ami: No! I want a holiday from this, with all expenses paid!  
  
Makoto: Don't be silly. We're supposed to be waiting for   
Minako.  
  
Ami: I noticed. I just have to mouth off my objections.  
  
Makoto: I mean, it's not as if anyone is going to come along and  
replace us for a while, or anything.  
  
  
FX: Magical trill.  
  
  
Michiru: You were saying?  
  
Makoto: What the.... Where the hell did Ami go?  
  
Michiru: I replaced her, my dear. She was exhibiting signs of   
fanfic fatigue, and the writer decided it was time to   
give her a holiday.  
  
Makoto: What the hell.... I didn't know this was in our   
contract!  
  
Michiru: That's because you can't read, my dear.  
  
Makoto: Oh yes.... I keep forgetting.  
  
Michiru: Now then.... Where were we?  
  
Makoto: We were waiting for Minako.  
  
Michiru: Ah, now I remember. It says so in the title. Yes, very  
well.... We shall wait for Minako with much passion.  
  
  
Dir: Very long pause. A warped version of "Moonlight Densetsu" can   
be heard in the b/g.  
  
  
Michiru: Ack! That's it! I can't take this!  
  
Makoto: What's wrong with you?  
  
Michiru: How am I expected to wait for that blond-haired imbecile  
with someone like you?  
  
Makoto: What are you saying?  
  
Michiru: You're too stupid, my dear, to engender any witty   
repartee'. I'm afraid you're going to HAVE to be   
replaced, too....  
  
Makoto: Is that an insult?  
  
Michiru: Yes.  
  
Makoto: Why you....  
  
  
FX: Magical trill.  
  
  
Haruka: Ah, just in time, it seems.  
  
Michiru: Haruka, my love.  
  
Haruka: Michiru, my darling.  
  
Michiru: Come to my arms.  
  
  
Dir: Sounds of much divine passion, for as long as you like.  
  
  
Michiru: This is, most certianly, a lot better.  
  
Haruka: I could see things were not going well between you and  
that lame-ass Jupiter. I just HAD to intervene.  
  
Michiru: Yes, but now we face an even greater dilemma.  
  
Haruka: What is that, my love?  
  
Michiru: Why would a pair of suave and sophisticated   
intelligentia, like ourselves, be waiting for an inbred  
imbecile the likes of Venus?  
  
Haruka: Why, you have a point there.  
  
Michiru: I do declare, that we replace this wait for Venus with a  
person of greater standing.  
  
Haruka: How about Setsuna.... She is much more worthy to wait   
for.  
  
Michiru: Indeed. We shall wait for Setsuna.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Haruka: She's late.  
  
Michiru: Yes, she's late.  
  
Haruka: Very very late.  
  
Michiru: Yes, she's very very late.  
  
  
FX: Everything goes silent.  
  
  
EvilMkna: (Echo) So.... My plan is going to plan. I mean my plan  
is going as I expected. I mean.... My plan is   
progressing well. Better than expected. Now, all I   
have to remember is.... What the hell IS my plan? I   
know I had one here, somewhere.... Here planny planny  
planny.... Here boy....  
  
Announcer: Who is the evil person with the echoing voice? What has  
really happened to Ami and Makoto. Are Haruka and   
Michiru waiting for Setsuna? What caused the plane to   
crash? Was there really a man rowing a boat with wheels  
down the street? For no answers to these questions,   
stay tuned for the next exciting episode of WAITING FOR  
MINAKO by Dark Day For Anime. out now on VHS, SVHS, LD,  
CDV, VCD and DVD in no good retail stores.  
  
  
END OF EPISODE 01  
  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
_________  
/ @ \ DDFA (The Right Dishonourable Mark A Page)  
/ / ^ ^ \ \ ayanami@merlin.net.au  
/\Chief Propoganda Officer, Keeper of  
\/ \/the Tapes and Co-Founder of the Saitou-chan  
\___________/Appreciation Society - Adelaide Japanese  
/_/ \_\ PUAnimation Society 


	2. Episode 02

Waiting for Minako (The Script)  
by DDFA (Mark A Page)  
  
EPISODE 02  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
Announcer: Last episode of Waiting for Minako....  
  
  
Ami: Ouch.  
  
Makoto: Jeez.  
  
Ami: That was a big explosion.  
  
Makoto: Yeah, I could feel it from here.  
  
  
Announcer: Strange things are happening....  
  
  
Makoto: You're staring at the ground, what are you looking at?  
  
Ami: Oh, it's just an ant.  
  
Makoto: An ant?  
  
Ami: Hai.  
  
  
Announcer: And some things not so strange....  
  
  
Ami: Are you calling me silly?  
  
Makoto: Yes, I'm calling you silly. You're allowing your   
imagination to run away with you.  
  
Ami: I am not! My imagination is standing right here, next   
to me, and neither of us are running.  
  
  
Announcer: Whilst an evil plan is hatched.  
  
  
Dir: Sound of a chicken, followed by a popping noise.  
  
  
Annoucner: What lies in store for Ami and Makoto in this action   
packed episode? Well, you're just going to have to   
listen aren't you? You can't expect me to tell you   
everything.  
  
  
FX: The sound of a city during the day, with traffic, birds and the  
occasional inexplicable explosion.  
  
  
Announcer: In the dark metropolis of Tokyo, Haruka and Michiru have  
taken over the job of our heroines of waiting by the   
wall....  
  
  
Haruka: She's late.  
  
Michiru: Yes, she's late.  
  
Haruka: Very very late.  
  
Michiru: Yes, she's very very late.  
  
  
Dir: Pause  
  
  
Michiru: Probably off having an illicit affair with Mamoru-  
san....  
  
Haruka: MICHIRU!  
  
Michiru: Teehee.  
  
Godot: Excuse me.  
  
Haruka: EEK!  
  
Michiru: Haruka!  
  
Godot: Oh, I'm so terribly sorry.  
  
Haruka: Who the hell are you?  
  
Godot: The name's Godot.... I heard you were waiting for   
somebody, and thought I could give you a few pointers on   
the art.  
  
Haruka: Eh?  
  
Michiru: On what? The art of waiting?  
  
Godot: No no no.... The art of making people wait.... I often  
use it to get back at all those bastards who have held   
me up in my life.... Lemme tell you. There was this   
pair....  
  
Haruka: Oh KAMI!  
  
Michiru: Somebody! Stop him before he starts reciting an old   
story....  
  
  
Dir: Sound of a needle being scracthed across a record.  
  
  
Announcer: Meanwhile, in Hawaii, Ami and Makoto are lying on a   
beach in skimpy bathing costumes, taking a long holiday  
from waiting by the wall.  
  
  
Makoto: You're right, you know.... This is so much better than  
Tokyo in the mid winter.  
  
Ami: Told you so.... You should always take my advice when   
it comes to holidays. I ALWAYS know what I'm talking  
about.  
  
Makoto: Pity nobody else does.  
  
Ami: What was that?  
  
Makoto: Oh, nothing.... Nothing.... I was just contemplating   
the sky.  
  
Ami: Yes, it's so blue.  
  
Makoto: Very blue, indeed.  
  
Ami: With the tiniest speckles of clouds.  
  
Makoto: Yes. Yes, they are clouds, aren't they.  
  
Ami: Well, of course they are. I ALWAYS know what I'm   
talking about.  
  
Makoto: Yes, yes, yes.... You're the smartarse amongst us all.  
  
Ami: What was THAT?  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: You know, I wonder how that pair of lame-ass Outers are  
going at waiting in our place?  
  
Ami: Who cares? I'm having a good time.  
  
  
Dir: Pause  
  
  
Ami: Ah.... We should have done this a long time ago.  
  
Makoto: We couldn't.... Our paypacket only increased upon the   
signing of our last contract.  
  
Ami: Yeah, you're right about that.  
  
Makoto: Best we could afford, when the show started, was a trip   
to a hot springs in the mountains.  
  
Ami: How positively quaint.  
  
Makoto: Not to mention hokey....  
  
Ami: I bet the slavering hoardes of hentais out there would   
have given an arm and a leg to see those moments....  
  
Makoto: Yeah, they would have.  
  
Ami: Amusing how I always seemed to come out on top in all   
the character polls, too....  
  
Makoto: Stop bragging, you blue-haired bint.  
  
Ami: Number one on the Animage character poll, I was.  
  
Makoto: Gawd, here she goes again.  
  
Ami: I knocked that lame-ass Nausicaa flat! Boring Miyazaki  
slag.... Gets a role in ONE movie, and everyone wants  
her as their daughter. Well, I showed them.  
  
Makoto: And then you were booted from number one. I hear the   
fight is now between a firebrand sorceress and and blue-  
haired chick with a stock line.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: "Baka", she says.... I really hate it when catchy   
little quotes like that become the in thing.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: What's wrong with you? You've gone quiet.  
  
Ami: I've just realised....  
  
Makoto: What?  
  
Ami: It's.... It's all over.  
  
Makoto: What ARE you talking about?  
  
Ami: We.... We now only exist in the minds of the dedicated  
fans.... Our show is no more....  
  
Makoto: Oh, don't get all moody.... There'll be some great   
revival, one day.... Bandai always milks its cash cows  
dry, you should know that.  
  
Ami: I.... suppose you're right.  
  
Makoto: Well, I ALWAYS know what I'm talking about.  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Ami: Bitch.  
  
Makoto: Ah ah ah, no claws, thankyou. We're on holiday.  
  
Ami: I'm not so sure this was a good idea, anymore.  
  
Makoto: What is it then? Chopped liver?  
  
Ami: It's.... kinda strange, but I have a strange feeling   
this really isn't happening....  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Ami: Like.... this is some kind of diversion.... That we're,  
in truth, still back in Tokyo, waiting for Minako-chan.  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Makoto: Now you've got me going....  
  
Ami: Eh?  
  
Makoto: I'm getting kinda freaked out, here.  
  
Ami: What?  
  
Makoto: I've got the same feeling as you.  
  
Ami: No! Don't say that.... It might be TRUE.  
  
Makoto: But it isn't true, is it? I mean, we're here, on a   
beach in Hawaii, aren't we?  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Makoto: Well, we ARE, aren't we?  
  
Ami: The sky is so blue.  
  
Makoto: Don't change the subject.  
  
Ami: It looks to me just like the sky in Tokyo....  
  
Makoto: Stop that.... You're scaring me.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Ami: Mako-chan....  
  
Makoto: What?  
  
Ami: I've always wanted to know....  
  
Makoto: What?  
  
Ami: Ever since that episode with Haruka and all that....  
  
Makoto: What? Come on, what?  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Ami: Do you prefer margarine to butter?  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Makoto: AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
Dir: Sound of Makoto crying out in frustration, and running around   
the beach.  
  
  
Ami: Do you really have to make so much noise?  
  
Makoto: (In the near-distance) Oh, fer chrissakes! What did you  
have to ask me THAT for?  
  
Ami: Well, every fanboy I know wants to know the answer....  
Incipient homosexual tendencies. Lack of boyfriend.   
Constant harping about previous relationships and all.   
I mean, I've been wanting to know for years.  
  
  
Dir: Sound of tree falling to the ground.  
  
  
Ami: Wow! I've never seen you do that, before.  
  
Makoto: Gragh!  
  
  
Dir: Sound of running footsteps approaching, skidding to a stop.  
  
  
Makoto: I thought it has been made clear, time and time again,   
that I am NOT a lesbian. Understand.... I am   
heterosexual as the day is long.  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Ami: Ah, so you turn into a lesbian when the sun goes down?  
  
Makoto: Of, fer Chrissakes! I am NOT a lesbian. Geddit?  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: Geddit?  
  
Ami: Got it.  
  
Makoto: Good.  
  
Ami: Repressed homosexual tendencies.... Definitely next on   
the list of anime characters to be outed....  
  
Makoto: What did you say?  
  
Ami: Oh, nothing, nothing.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: You know.... It's strange how there's nobody else on   
this beach.  
  
Ami: So?  
  
Makoto: Well, it's such a NICE beach, on such a NICE day....   
One would have thought there'd be hundreds of people   
here, jostling for position.  
  
Ami: Must be an off day.  
  
Makoto: Some off day. I'm REALLY beginning to wonder where we   
are, now....  
  
Ami: Why question such things when nothing is going wrong?  
  
Makoto: I've just got a weird feeling....  
  
Ami: You should NEVER eat the fish on the plane.... How many   
times do I have to tell you....  
  
Makoto: No.... It's something else.... Like we're being   
watched....  
  
  
Dir: Sound of hollow wind.  
  
  
Ami: Must be all those people out there.  
  
Makoto: What people?  
  
Ami: Out there, listening to us.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: I can't see anyone.  
  
Ami: Of course you can't. This isn't television.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: I think you've had too much sun.  
  
Ami: You can never have too much sun.... If skin cancer is  
your thing.  
  
Makoto: Now I KNOW you've had too much sun.  
  
Ami: Come to think of it, I am feeling a little strange.  
  
Makoto: Do you get the feeling we're being watched?  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Ami: Actually, yes, I do.... Kinda kinky, isn't it?  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: You're just hoping it's some desperate pervert, since   
you're normally hopeless with men.  
  
Ami: At least I had Urawa-kun.... All you ever did was   
whinge and whine about an illusory long lost senpai....  
  
Makoto: Was NOT illusory. He REALLY existed.  
  
Ami: Oh yeah? Prove it.  
  
Makoto: How can I? We're on a beach in the middle of nowhere.  
  
Ami: Hawaii.  
  
Makoto: What?  
  
Ami: We're on a beach in Hawaii.... It's not the middle of  
nowhere.... Technically speaking.  
  
Makoto: Are you so sure? Are you so sure that this IS Hawaii?  
  
Ami: Can you prove to me that you really DID have a   
boyfriend?  
  
Makoto: No.  
  
Ami: Well, I can't prove that this is Hawaii, either.  
  
Makoto: Then we're really in the middle of nowhere, after   
all....  
  
Ami: Stop getting paranoid.  
  
Makoto: I'm NOT getting paranoid.  
  
Ami: Of course you are. If we aren't in Hawaii, where are   
we?  
  
Makoto: We could be.... in Antarctica!  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Ami: (Shouts) Does this look like Antarctica to you?  
  
Makoto: No.  
  
Ami: Well, by process of elimination, taking into account the   
fact that it is almost 100 degrees in the sun, it is   
humid and that we are definately NOT freezing our butts   
off whilst wearing these oh so SKIMPY swimsuits, you   
could, just possibly, conceive that this is not, in the  
slightest way possible, Antarctica.  
  
Makoto: It could be out of season....  
  
Ami: I don't really think that would make much difference, do   
you?  
  
Makoto: No.... I was just clutching at straws.  
  
Ami: Pretty damn thin straws, if you ask me.  
  
Makoto: Hey, it was a nice idea at the time.  
  
Ami: Look.... This is Hawaii.... No ifs, no buts, okay?  
  
Makoto: Could be far north Queensland.  
  
Ami: WHAT?  
  
Makoto: Gotta be careful in far north Queensland.... They   
inbreed them differently, up there....  
  
Ami: What ARE you talking about?  
  
Makoto: Never mind.  
  
Ami: I should think so, too.... And you're thinking of   
Tasmania.... On a good day....  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Makoto: I wonder how Haruka and Michiru are going....  
  
Ami: Yes, might be interesting to see....  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Ami: Hello? Mister Announcer?  
  
  
Announcer: Hmm... What? Oh yes, sorry.... Uhh.... Meanwhile,   
back in Tokyo, Haruka and Michiru are placing the body  
of Godot behind the wall and out of sight.  
  
  
Michiru: That's going to smell after a while.  
  
Haruka: Would you have rathered listening to his stories?  
  
Michiru: Better than listening to Setsuna whine about her beloved  
Endymion when she's drunk one too many Sapporo   
Lagers....  
  
Haruka: Hmph.... Is it any wonder the Philadelphia Experiment   
went wrong....  
  
  
Announcer: And now, due to the amazing process available only to   
the Id, we find ourselves on a beach in North   
Queensland.  
  
  
Dir: Banjo music starts in the background, alongside the   
splashing of waves on the shore.  
  
  
Announcer: This has not been confirmed by our operatives, of   
course. Ami and Makoto are wandering the beach in the   
kind of skimpy swimsuits that would normally be used in   
an anime of ecchi standards. Of course, this is not   
real, so the vision of the pair wearing them is   
occurring entirely within your own mind, like the   
perverted, sick little creep that you are.  
  
  
Dir: Sound of a whip.  
  
  
Announcer: Ouch! What was that for?  
  
  
Michiru: You're talking too much.  
  
  
Announcer: Am not.  
  
  
Michiru: Are so.  
  
Haruka: Shhhhhh....  
  
  
Dir: Pause with the sound of the banjo and the waves.  
  
  
Ami: It's hot.  
  
Makoto: Yes, it is, isn't it.  
  
Ami: Damned hot.  
  
Makoto: You're not wrong there.  
  
Ami: How long has it been since we left our towels?  
  
Makoto: I can't remember.  
  
Ami: Where did we leave our towels?  
  
Makoto: Back in Hawaii, I think.  
  
Ami: That's impossible. We can't have walked from Hawaii to  
Northern Queensland.  
  
Makoto: Why?  
  
Ami: Because we would have gotten wet. We would have brought   
our towels with us. in that case.  
  
Makoto: As normal, your logic surpasses mine.  
  
Ami: Of course it does. My logic is a product of my vast   
intelligence, which exceeds that of the rest of you put  
together.  
  
Makoto: And yet, you still fell for Urawa-kun.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Ami: We all have our crosses to bear.  
  
Makoto: That's a pretty big one.  
  
Ami: At least I GOT myself a boyfriend. You just brag about  
a lost one.  
  
Makoto: Let's not start down that path, again.  
  
Ami: Sign of desperation.  
  
Makoto: I said....  
  
Ami: Do I foresee the long, lonely years ahead?  
  
Makoto: Look, if you don't shuddup, I'll smash your face through  
the back of your head.  
  
Ami: Touchy.  
  
Makoto: Am I just?  
  
Ami: Yup.  
  
Makoto: Urawa.  
  
Ami: Stop it....  
  
Makoto: Urawa Urawa Urawa Urawa Urawa....  
  
Ami: Stop that!  
  
Makoto: You stop bagging me for not having a boyfriend, then.  
  
Ami: Why not? It's fun.  
  
Makoto: Amiiiiiiii.....  
  
Ami: Funny, too.  
  
Makoto: Listen, just one more word from your mouth, and I'll....  
  
Ami: Can I ask you a question?  
  
Makoto: WHAT!?!?  
  
Ami: Why do you always revert to violence to solve your   
problems? I do wish you were a tad more creative.  
  
Makoto: Oh. Yeah, right. I should have THOUGHT of that SO much  
sooner. Well, I'm SO SORRY that I get a real KICK out   
of beating the LIVING CRAP out of people who ANNOY the  
SHIT outta me.  
  
Ami: Tut tut tut.... All this stress is not doing you one   
bit of good.  
  
Makoto: STRESS? STRESS? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M STRESSED?   
I'M NOT STRESSED. HOW DARE YOU THINK I'M STRESSED!  
  
  
Dir: Pause as Makoto pants loudly  
  
  
Ami: You see.... This is what comes from not having a   
boyfriend.  
  
Makoto: Gragh!  
  
Ami: Hey! Let go!  
  
Makoto: One instant head ventilation system, coming up....  
  
Ami: Wait, it was just a joke....  
  
  
Announcer: Hmm.... This could get pretty nasty.... Better drop a  
sand dune on top of them.  
  
  
Dir: Sound of Ami and Makoto crying out as they are smothered by a  
sand dune. After a long pause, there are two popping noises,   
followed by the pair trying to catch their breath.  
  
  
Makoto: Okay, Miss Brain, explain the sudden and rapid movement  
of this friggin' dune.... They're not supposed to move  
that quickly.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: Ya can't, can ya?  
  
Ami: Give me a few moments to postulate a ridiculous, but due  
to current events, mildly possible, theory.  
  
  
Dir: Sound of heavy machinery.  
  
  
Makoto: What the hell is that.  
  
Ami: Aha! Now I KNOW this is Queensland.  
  
Makoto: What do you mean?  
  
Ami: Coastal land developers.... That's why the dune was   
dumped on top of us. They don't like cheap tourists.  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Makoto: Would you like a hand getting out of this dune?  
  
Ami: Actually, I rather like it here.... It's cooler in the  
sand than it is out of it.  
  
Makoto: If I don't get out of it, then I'm gonna become out of   
it. Would you mind explaining to me how we managed to   
be in Queensland.  
  
Ami: Existentialist angst on the part of the writer?  
  
Makoto: Yes, well, that would be a contributing factor. By the  
way, isn't it about time one of us were killed?  
  
Ami: What do you mean?  
  
Makoto: He always kills one of us off, usually in the first   
chapter of every story....  
  
  
Announcer: Meanwhile, in Tokyo, Usagi, sitting on a park bench,   
minding her own business, has an arrow shot through her  
head.  
  
  
Dir: Twanging noise, followed by a thud and the sound of Usagi   
gurgling before falling to the ground with a thump.  
  
  
Ami: Why'd you HAVE to remind him?  
  
Makoto: Ah, it's nothing.... He'll just resurrect her later.  
  
Ami: Yeah, to kill her again....  
  
Makoto: By the way, don't you feel rather silly having a   
conversation whilst you are up to your neck in sand?  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Ami: The sand....  
  
Makoto: What about it?  
  
Ami: It's awfully white.  
  
  
Dir: Pause.  
  
  
Makoto: What about it?  
  
Ami: Don't you think the sand is white?  
  
Makoto: Yes, it's awfully white. What about it?  
  
Ami: I just thought I'd mention it.  
  
Makoto: What is the point?  
  
Ami: Hmm?  
  
Makoto: What is the point?  
  
Ami: What is the point of anything? I really do wonder,   
sometimes....  
  
Makoto: Not that! I mean, what was the point of mentioning the  
colour of the sand?  
  
Ami: What is the point of anything? I really do wonder,   
sometimes....  
  
  
Dir: Long pause.  
  
  
Makoto: You didn't take your medication before we left, did you?  
  
  
Dir: Cut banjoes.  
  
  
Announcer: Will Ami and Makoto escape the sand dune?  
  
  
Ami: Probably.  
  
Makoto: Definitely.  
  
Ami: Maybe.  
  
Makoto: With any luck.  
  
Ami: If we have any.  
  
  
Announcer: Will Minako make an appearance?  
  
  
Makoto: Well, she hasn't so far.  
  
Ami: Shhh....  
  
Makoto: What?  
  
  
Announcer: Do we really want to know the answers to these   
questions?  
  
  
Ami: Easy for him to criticise. He's not stuck up to his   
neck in a sand dune.  
  
Makoto: What do you expect for someone from the media?  
  
Ami: There are a few people in the media I'd like to bury,   
and not just in the sand.  
  
Makoto: When do we get the jellybeans. I want the jellybeans.  
  
Ami: Shhh.... That's a spoiler.  
  
  
Announcer: Excuse me.  
  
  
Ami: Oh, sorry.  
  
Makoto: Do carry on.  
  
  
Announcer: Ahem.... All these questions and more, never to be   
answered, in the next exciting chapter of.... WAITING  
FOR MINAKO.  
  
  
Makoto: I bet he's getting paid more than us.  
  
Ami: It's in the contract, dear.  
  
Makoto: I'd like to know who drew up that effing contract.  
  
  
END OF EPISODE 02  
  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
_________  
/ @ \ DDFA (The Right Dishonourable Mark A Page)  
/ / ^ ^ \ \ ayanami@internode.on.net  
/\  
\/ \/  
\___________/  
/_/ \_\ PU 


End file.
